


Little Miss Perfect

by i_can_get_extra_with_my_fics



Series: The Not Multi Chapter Fic Shrine [61]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, F/F, First Kiss, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:14:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26930482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_can_get_extra_with_my_fics/pseuds/i_can_get_extra_with_my_fics
Summary: Zoe had alwaus tried to be perfect. Or at least as perfect as she could be.One night, gay feelings, and a picture ruined it all.
Relationships: Alana Beck/Zoe Murphy
Series: The Not Multi Chapter Fic Shrine [61]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1589902
Kudos: 8





	Little Miss Perfect

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Little Miss Perfect sung by Taylor Louderman. 
> 
> I know that this song would probably work better with Alana than Zoe but I wanted to giver her some more depth.

Straight hair,

Zoe and Connor had naturally curly hair. The biggest difference between the way they style it was that Zoe always brushed hers straight to get the curls out. If a brush didn't work she would flat iron her hair.

Straight A's,

Zoe had always done good in school. She was especially proud of her straight As. She had to work her ass off with Jared just to understand math. Once she got it though, she was off.

Straight forward.

Zoe was very good at walking forward in a straight line. Unlike Jared. Who went in all sorts of directions and ended up pushing them to the side when they walked next to each other.

Straight path, I don't cut corners.

Zoe wasn't one for cheating or getting answers off other people. She did sometimes but that was only during crunch time when she was struggling. Her parents had always had always said she was on a straight path to success.

I make a point to be on time.

The only time Zoe had ever been late for something it was Connor's fault. He insisted on driving and wasn't even ready when they said they needed to leave. Other than that she was always the first one to anything. Even for marching band competitions. She got there before the band director did and had to wait.

Head of the student council.

She wasn't necessarily head of the student council, that was more Alana' s forte. But she was head of the council of vibes in band. If your vibes weren't the right kinda vibes you were sent to the percussion room to think about your vibes and what you've done.

I don't black out at parties.

Their group of friends didn't drink often. Evan and Alana almost always ended up winning in the "should we drinking not" debates. And even when they didn't, Zoe never drank much and she handled her alcohol very well.

I jam to Paul McCartney.

She liked the Beatles but she also was a fan of Broadway and early 2000s to early 2010s music. She thought today's pop music was garbage and all sounded the same.

If you ask me how I'm doing I'll say, well…

Zoe was laying on the roof with Jared. They had debated stealing Connor's weed but decided against it.

"Can I go off on a semi-depressing tangent real quick?"

"Yeah sure."

"So you know how I was adopted right?"

"Yeah."

"Well I don't think I've ever told you the reason. From what Connor's said and from me eavesdropping on my parents I've pieced together that after my mom had Connor she decided she was never gonna actually birth a child again. But they still wanted a little girl so they adopted me. When they got me they spoiled me so much. And like now I wonder what I've done to get this far."

"That's fair. Like every time I walk into math I just look at all the smart kids they have there. Like there's other band kids but they have like Ella, Jack, Mishell, and all the other snottier ones. And then there's me. I'm a band kid like them sure. But I'm a walking trumpet stereotype. I do the council of vibes with you. I just feel so out of place."

"Yeah I get that."

They sat in a comfortable silence for a bit.

"Ew. What happened. We just did feelings." Jared cringed.

"Discustang."

A pretty girl walks by my locker.

That girl was Christine. She was the best flute player in their band. Second to only their director. She also did theater. Zoe was pretty good friends with Christine. The fact that Zoe found her attractive never messed with their friendship.

My heart gives a flutter but I don't dare utter a word.

She had thought about telling Christine what she thought. She always decided against it though. She always told herself "No.  'Cause that would be assured behavior for little miss perfect".

Na na na na na na na na no. I can't risk falling off my throne.

She had wanted to come out as bi for a while but a lot of the people in their school were homophobic. She was fairly popular with her peers and the teachers. She didn't feel like losing that.

La la la la la la la la love, is something I don't even know.

That's what she was always told by her parents. "You're too young to know what love is Zoe." She always believed them.

Straight hair, straight A's, straight forward, straight girl.

Zoe nearly choked on her toothpaste. She had her mental list that she repeated to herself everyday. She knew it was to make her seem straight. But straight girl has never been there. She sighed.

"Little miss perfect," she told herself.  "That's me."

One night my friend stayed over,

Zoe had kicked Connor out so she could have Alana over. He ended up spending the night at Jared's.

We laughed and drank and ordered.

They'd gotten two pizzas. Zoe had managed by some strange miracle to convince Alana to have some alcohol. They were just drinking whatever random stuff her parents had.

Something about her drew me in.

Zoe's brain yelled at her for thinking the gay thoughts.  "What?", she retaliated.  "It's totally platonic."

That night was so exciting. Her smirks were so enticing.

Zoe had had a thing for Alana for years. She'd had some boyfriends here and there and little crushes on other girls but her feelings always went back to Alana.

Hours speed by like seconds. Then what happens is iconic.

Alana took a sip of her drink. Zoe bit her lip.

"What do you call an element that likes to set fires? An arsenic."

Zoe nearly choked. "That was a really bad one Lana. Even for you."

Around one am Alana had said that Zoe should let her braid her hair. Zoe shrugged and said whatever. As Alana braided her hair, Zoe started blacking out for the first time.

Next think I know I lose control.

When Zoe was aware of what she was doing again. All of her impulses told her only one thing.

I finally kiss her,

Zoe had grabbed Alana's face and pull it closer to hers. Giving ample time for Alana to pull away if she wanted. She didn't so Zoe pressed their lips together.

But oh no.

Before she could even process what she had just done, she saw a flash.

I see a face in my window,

Through the street light she could see Rebbeca Smith. The most popular girl in her grade. Zoe had jumped away from Alana. But the damage was done. Rebbeca had a picture of Zoe Murphy kissing Alana Beck.

Zoes mind was reeling.

And my brain starts to go

"Na na na na na na na na no!" Was the initial thought. Then the voices on her head started arguing.

"You can't risk falling off your throne." One would say to the other.

"La la la la la la la la la love!" The other would counter.

"Is something you don't even know! Na na na na na na na! You can't risk falling off your throne!"

"La la la la la la la la la love!" The second voice had grown quieter. It was obvious who one. 

"You don't even know."

Rewind, induce amnesia.

Zoe went on full no homo damage control the next day.

"I was drunk." She'd say to one person.

Deny the truth.

"I'm not gay."

"No I'm not a lesbain."

"I'm not gay!"

It's easier.

Zoe knew that this was the easiest thing to do. Just deny and move on.

" You're just confused. " Was probably her most common excuse.

Believe her when she says there's nothing there.

When the boys asked Alana about what happened she just said that she thought there was something there but it turns out there wasn't. Zoe had heard her say it. That probably hurt most of all.

So there she was.

Any social status she had stripped away from her.

Her closest friends gone.

And she'd hurt the one girl she wanted to date most.

It's never worth it, when you're little miss perfect.


End file.
